I need a small holiday, so I'm not making any appointments available for 2 weeks over Christmas!
If you need an appointment, please call, text or email. I still have a couple of spots available before my break. Otherwise you will need to wait until I come back!
I will be going on my holiday between December 22 2023 and January 8 2024.
I sat down tonight to continue asking myself some hard questions… I’m attempting some goal setting for both my work and my personal life – me! Earlier today I set some goals around anxiety and health… yay!
I decided that I would continue this work, but this time around two different but related goals. More fun. More adventures.
At the outset, I thought – how hard can this be? Little did I know! I started off with how do I make more fun more specific!? Here is where I discovered a rather telling thing about myself… I have no idea what I like to do for fun!! Cue moment of panic! Yes, even therapists freak out occasionally.
What do I do for fun?
Computer games? Depends on the game and on the company, if there is any company.
Crochet – is that personal stuff or stuff for my daughters business?
Reading – depends on the subject. If its psychological, it could be fun, if its a novel that could also be fun.
I think my issue here is how on earth am I defining fun?
I should also note that I find it fun to find out what makes people tick. It’s fun, but the more interesting version of fun as opposed to rolling on the floor laughing my ass off kind of fun.
Enjoyment; amusement.
"We had fun at the beach."
A source of enjoyment, amusement, or pleasure.
"Was the party fun?"
Mirthful sport; frolicsome amusement; enjoyment from gay or comical action or speech.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition.
OK, by that account:
watching a movie (I have a couple hundred of those)
computer games
crochet
people watching/studying
gardening (looking after my herbs)
reading
hanging out with my fur and feather babies (1 dog, 1 cat, 5 chickens)
having deep existential philosophical discussions
Problem solved. I find a lot of things to be fun. So my next problem is how do I make such a vague goal of have more fun into something that is more specific, measurable and achievable without taking the fun out of it??
Ahem – I think I’ve missed the point!! I don’t think its a case of scheduling into my time more of these specific activities and then saying – ahah! I did this or that! No. Rather, I think this needs to be looked at from an entirely different perspective.
Instead of scheduling in activities, I need to give myself permission to relax and have more fun!
I believe that is the line of questioning I need to take myself down.
So now, I need to go and spend some time asking myself some of the hard questions that I ask my clients!
How or where do you hold your stress?
For me, its my feet, shoulders and upper spine. My bones feel like they are crumbling, they probably aren't, that’s just how they feel! And its ridiculously painful!
So where is it for you? What is that place or those places that hurt the most whenever you become seriously stressed?
More importantly, what do you do about it?
In the past, I ignored it and hoped it would go away, but the pain was just too much. Eventually, those around me helped me to reduce my stress by pretty much forcing a change of situation on me! This was partly because I would procrastinate – why do today what I can put off until next week – and partly because I didn’t know how to deal with my stress, or that I even could deal with it.
Is that the same for you? That you don’t know how to deal with the stress, or that you’re just too tired from it all, or that you’re happy putting off what you can do today until next week??
That last option isn’t exactly a healthy one! But if that is your choice, then OK!! (Just so you know, you don’t have to live like that.)
If you’re tired from it all, I hear ya! Stress wears you down. It wears you out. I get that, emotionally speaking, you may not have the energy to change or deal with whatever is causing you stress! I get that. Really, I’ve been there! You just wanna walk away from everything. You just wanna lay down and sleep, but sleep is not refreshing. Life gets like that sometimes.
The other option is that you, like I was, don’t know how to deal with it. Where on earth do you start with this stuff? The feeling becomes overwhelming, and a swamped sinking feeling kicks in. Yep, I get that too! It’s never fun.
OK, time for something a little practical… Just cause, why not!!
So you’re tired – what do you do? Here’s an idea – do you have one person you can delegate to? Here’s hoping you do! Delegate a task or two! Reduce your load!
You’re living on your own, no one to delegate to? Damn… that is a little harder. But not impossible! Start of with your daily tasks – what needs to be done now, later, whenever? Priortise!!
I actually employ this little thing called denial – I know, I know – denial is a bad thing! Right? Is it? If utilised in the right way, denial could actually help save your sanity. Denial needs some very very strong barriers, or it can get out of hand! So only try this if you think you are able to go toe to toe with denial!
How this works – you have only so much energy, and a massive task list. After prioritising your top 3 tasks for the day, you use denial to deny that all your other task on that list exist, for that day only. That’s the key here. You are only using the denial to stop you from overdoing things for today only. Tomorrow, you need to recheck your list, get your new top 3 and do it all over again. My suggestion here, take one task that is a daily task, one task that is weekly and one task that has been waiting for longer than you can remember!
O – if that is too much (which for some it is way too much) take one task and break it into sections. An example of this. My family went away for a week, I had the dishes to do, (for energy reasons I had left them for a couple of days), to get them done, I broke the task into chunks. Cutlery. Plates and glasses/mugs. Pots/pans. And though that day I did nothing else, the dishes got done! And I stacked them to dry on their own… Sometimes one task needs to be done but it is huge, so you need to not put it off, but break it into smaller parts.
There are lots of situations that cause stress, so do people… I have one of those!
That stressful person that keeps ringing you and asking you to do stuff for them? Here’s an idea! Stop answering your phone - if you can, get a really annoying ring tone specifically for them, save their number in your phone, assign that tone to them and when you hear it ring, you’ll know its them. Instead of swiping the green answer call button, learn to swipe the red ignore call button. The world will not stop if you ignore them for a day or two… Their world may fall apart without you, but that is their problem, not yours.
Sometimes that annoying person needs to be spoken to. The one I have calls me for a reason. And so instead of ringing him back, I wait to a time that suits me, and I either text or email him. I do this so I can actually ensure that I am polite, and I cover everything that needs to be covered! It saves on communication, effort and energy.
You need to learn that you teach people how to treat you. So if you regularly roll over and play dead, then they will learn to treat you like a floor mat!
OK, so back to working on if you’re tired – ask yourself, is my tiredness a physical thing from a lack of sleep? Or is it an emotional thing from too much stress?? There is a difference! If its from a physical lack of sleep then you need to work out why! What is going on for you as to why you are not sleeping?
Answering these questions will help you understand your situation better. And over time, your answers will change!
NOTE: if it is a physical lack of sleep. Going to bed and attempting to sleep may just add to your stress and frustration. Sleep is not something that you can force. And I do not agree to swallowing tablets to induce sleep. The point is to examine the situations when you do get sleep. Examine the situations when you don’t get sleep and understand whats going on for you!
If it is an emotional tiredness, again, exploring that (a little at a time) will help you work out ways to make small changes that will help reduce that tiredness.
For me, my tiredness is both physical lack of sleep and emotional issues, due to ongoing health crap.
So I can’t change the health stuff – or can I?? That realisation, for me, was a breakthrough in the emotional department.
That little question of or can I?? can lead to a revelation, a new perspective, new ideas!
For me that question lead me to researching gut health and how to improve it; herbs – the good, the bad, and the what the hell is that!!; exercise; sleep; meditation (mindfulness) and a pile of other things. That question has lead to some lifestyle changes for me!
It can do the same for you!
Have you noticed that I’m asking a lot of questions – its what I do! Because answering these questions brings new awareness, awareness brings change, and change can be beneficial! So the questions really need to be answered. And some are harder to answer than others! I’ll acknowledge that, because it is true!
Take the question of why am I not sleeping? You could shrug your shoulders and say I dunno!! Or you could begin to be a little honest! I have my phone beside my pillow and I look at facebook at 3am every morning.
Stop there – unpack that. Why is your phone beside your bed? Why are you awake at 3am? Why are you surfing facebook?
Do people call you at 3am? No! Then maybe you can leave the phone in the kitchen or lounge room!
Is it that you’re awake at 3am because you’ve got yourself a little habit?? Why facebook? There’s better things you can spend your time doing! Can you stop yourself surfing or has it gotten to be more of an addiction?
Answering questions leads to insight! Insight leads to understanding! Understanding leads to change, self-betterment.
To get insights, you need to be honest with yourself.
OK, so in your exploration if why you are stressed, you’ve discovered that you lack the ability to say no, or you found that you self-sabotage with procrastination, or you’ve discovered that you may be wrestling with some form of addiction. You can get assistance with these. Honest!
If something here clicked with you and you found that you need a little help to get where you want to be, don’t hesitate in contacting me.
Well, I'm here. My first day in the new set up. I'm so glad that I don't have any appointments today, because I think I'll need a little time to sort out any issues.
